Last
night while at Walgreens trying to use up some expiring rewards I wandered the
aisles trying to figure out what to get with my $16. I passed an endcap display
of candles and thought it would be ideal to pick up Addy's #5 candle for her
birthday in a couple months...
As I continued to stroll through the store I
could barely focus on the task at hand because negative thoughts were consuming
me. As I looked at that number five lying in the shopping cart I reflected back
on the last five years of my daughters’ life, particularly each birthday
celebration. I recalled how I planned every single minuscule detail of her
first birthday with so much enthusiasm. I then immediately tried to come up
with some ideas in my head as to how we're going to celebrate her 5th birthday.
This is when I realized that, even though I am now with my kids day in and day
out, I really don't 'know' them. I really have no idea what kind of theme she
would like for her special day or even if we're going to have a
party, for-say.
I wrapped up my shopping as quickly as I could and left for home. The entire
time I could not get the raging thoughts out of my head as to what to do with
myself. I am at some sort of crossroads whereas a decision must be made. I
really need to sit back and prioritize exactly what I want, what I need and
more importantly – what my family needs.
I have concluded that at this point in my life I am not able to continue on
with ‘couponing’. For over a year I have devoted all of my waking hours to
trying to get my website up, running and profitable; to no avail for my
partners on the latter. I have realized that my home and family have suffered
because of this. For example - I had my children in a daycare that was not
taking care of them properly and I cannot help but think that I would have
figured it out sooner if I wasn’t so absorbed with my ‘career’. We moved, new
daycare and I was able to work from home and get a lot accomplished – but this
did not come without a price tag. I barely saw my children. This situation did not
last long as my pay was recently reduced to the point that I could no longer
afford to keep either child in daycare.
This is where I am at now. Addy will be starting kindergarten in the fall – so
I will have several hours to either stay at home with Alex or work and put him
in daycare. So… for the time being, for the next two months, I am ‘taking a
break’. I am going to devote the next two months to creating a memorable summer
for my children. Actually spending time getting to know them, teaching them and
learning from them.
With
my ‘all or nothing’/obsessive personality – the couponing is just going to have
to wait; the deals will be there tomorrow.
The
anemia plays a tremendous role in my decision, too. I just do not have the
energy to tackle everything I would like to.
After
Addy starts school I will figure out where I stand physically and reevaluate
whether I would like to stay home with Alex and run Suzie’s Confections again,
coupon, or put him in daycare and work outside the home.
Bring on summer!
