Last
night while at Walgreens trying to use up some expiring rewards I wandered the
aisles trying to figure out what to get with my $16. I passed an endcap display
of candles and thought it would be ideal to pick up Addy's #5 candle for her
birthday in a couple months...
As I continued to stroll through the store I could barely focus on the task at hand because negative thoughts were consuming me. As I looked at that number five lying in the shopping cart I reflected back on the last five years of my daughters’ life, particularly each birthday celebration. I recalled how I planned every single minuscule detail of her first birthday with so much enthusiasm. I then immediately tried to come up with some ideas in my head as to how we're going to celebrate her 5th birthday. This is when I realized that, even though I am now with my kids day in and day out, I really don't 'know' them. I really have no idea what kind of theme she would like for her special day or even if we're going to have a party, for-say.
I wrapped up my shopping as quickly as I could and left for home. The entire time I could not get the raging thoughts out of my head as to what to do with myself. I am at some sort of crossroads whereas a decision must be made. I really need to sit back and prioritize exactly what I want, what I need and more importantly – what my family needs.
I have concluded that at this point in my life I am not able to continue on with ‘couponing’. For over a year I have devoted all of my waking hours to trying to get my website up, running and profitable; to no avail for my partners on the latter. I have realized that my home and family have suffered because of this. For example - I had my children in a daycare that was not taking care of them properly and I cannot help but think that I would have figured it out sooner if I wasn’t so absorbed with my ‘career’. We moved, new daycare and I was able to work from home and get a lot accomplished – but this did not come without a price tag. I barely saw my children. This situation did not last long as my pay was recently reduced to the point that I could no longer afford to keep either child in daycare.
This is where I am at now. Addy will be starting kindergarten in the fall – so I will have several hours to either stay at home with Alex or work and put him in daycare. So… for the time being, for the next two months, I am ‘taking a break’. I am going to devote the next two months to creating a memorable summer for my children. Actually spending time getting to know them, teaching them and learning from them.
As I continued to stroll through the store I could barely focus on the task at hand because negative thoughts were consuming me. As I looked at that number five lying in the shopping cart I reflected back on the last five years of my daughters’ life, particularly each birthday celebration. I recalled how I planned every single minuscule detail of her first birthday with so much enthusiasm. I then immediately tried to come up with some ideas in my head as to how we're going to celebrate her 5th birthday. This is when I realized that, even though I am now with my kids day in and day out, I really don't 'know' them. I really have no idea what kind of theme she would like for her special day or even if we're going to have a party, for-say.
I wrapped up my shopping as quickly as I could and left for home. The entire time I could not get the raging thoughts out of my head as to what to do with myself. I am at some sort of crossroads whereas a decision must be made. I really need to sit back and prioritize exactly what I want, what I need and more importantly – what my family needs.
I have concluded that at this point in my life I am not able to continue on with ‘couponing’. For over a year I have devoted all of my waking hours to trying to get my website up, running and profitable; to no avail for my partners on the latter. I have realized that my home and family have suffered because of this. For example - I had my children in a daycare that was not taking care of them properly and I cannot help but think that I would have figured it out sooner if I wasn’t so absorbed with my ‘career’. We moved, new daycare and I was able to work from home and get a lot accomplished – but this did not come without a price tag. I barely saw my children. This situation did not last long as my pay was recently reduced to the point that I could no longer afford to keep either child in daycare.
This is where I am at now. Addy will be starting kindergarten in the fall – so I will have several hours to either stay at home with Alex or work and put him in daycare. So… for the time being, for the next two months, I am ‘taking a break’. I am going to devote the next two months to creating a memorable summer for my children. Actually spending time getting to know them, teaching them and learning from them.
With
my ‘all or nothing’/obsessive personality – the couponing is just going to have
to wait; the deals will be there tomorrow.
The
anemia plays a tremendous role in my decision, too. I just do not have the
energy to tackle everything I would like to.
After
Addy starts school I will figure out where I stand physically and reevaluate
whether I would like to stay home with Alex and run Suzie’s Confections again,
coupon, or put him in daycare and work outside the home.
Bring on summer!
Bring on summer!
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