How Much You Mean To Me
You gave me a rose
Said you liked me so
I liked you though
Didn’t want you to know
Now you’re back with her
That’s where you say you’ll stay
I have no words to say
How much you mean to me
I just wanted you to know
In my heart you’ll lay low
In my mind
I’ll always find
A picture of us
How you meant so much
I loved to hear you sing
Your voice will always ring
Hold true how much I care
Cause the words I cannot bear
I couldn’t say it before
Cause you slammed the door
The touch of you so soft
Now I feel what I have lost
The smell of you in the air
I can’t believe it, it’s just not fair
I miss you so much
The way we used to touch
When our lips did meet
Your kiss was, oh, so sweet
We will never be the same
Remember we are both to blame
The rose I will keep
But forever I shall weep
You told me not to
Cheat, play or lie
But as far as I can see,
This is goodbye
I tried to believe
That you’d never leave
I can’t hide the way I feel
My love for you was real
With these words I can express
If only I had loved you less
I wouldn’t feel the way I do
If I hadn’t fallen in love with you
I just wanted you to know
How much you mean to me
for Todd Gorrell
Thursday, February 15, 1996
Tuesday, February 6, 1996
It’s All Over!
It’s All Over!
It was late summer afternoon little did I know the terror that I just endured. When I first woke up I wasn't sure who I was, where I was or why I was there. But soon fragments of memory drifted back into my mind. Now these are the days I will never forget. As I try to remember it all, only bits and pieces appear. But soon I will remember it all, I'm just not sure if I want to.
The first thing that I entered my mind besides the dozens of mixed up memories was when it happened. It was almost dawn and I was driving down an old country road on my way into town to pick up some groceries. I was on my way around a bend in the road, when my tire blew. So I grabbed a flashlight and popped the trunk grabbed the jack and tried to fix it but ‘little me’ didn't know the first thing about changing a tire. So at that point I grabbed my coat and my purse and took off for the walk the rest of the way into town to call back home and tell Chris what happened.
Some of the events that I recall occurring were my head being hit a lot and just lying there, I knew that there was nothing that I could do but play dead. I never saw a face, for a while I believe I must have been blindfolded. I tried to make him stop; I felt my head was just going to explode. I thought to myself, 'why me, why is this happening to me?' Just at that moment I lost control, I could start to feel my body slowly slipping away. When all of a sudden I felt every spirit was being lifted from my body, I was slowly feeling lighter and lighter. If this is what death feels like, I kind of enjoy it. But then everybody I'd ever known started drifting through my mind, all the memories , good and bad times and especially Chris, my fiancée'. When 'snap' I started to feel my body again. I slightly opened my eyes, and no one appeared in over me. I lied there for a few minutes trying to catch my breath.
The next thing I knew I was lying here in this hospital bed, of course with Chris by my side. At my supposed moment of death I knew I could survive with the love of my friends, family, and Chris. I haven't told anyone about everything, maybe when the time is right, but then again, I don't remember it all myself and I’m not sure if I'd want to. I believe “live for the tomorrow, yesterday is gone."
It was late summer afternoon little did I know the terror that I just endured. When I first woke up I wasn't sure who I was, where I was or why I was there. But soon fragments of memory drifted back into my mind. Now these are the days I will never forget. As I try to remember it all, only bits and pieces appear. But soon I will remember it all, I'm just not sure if I want to.
The first thing that I entered my mind besides the dozens of mixed up memories was when it happened. It was almost dawn and I was driving down an old country road on my way into town to pick up some groceries. I was on my way around a bend in the road, when my tire blew. So I grabbed a flashlight and popped the trunk grabbed the jack and tried to fix it but ‘little me’ didn't know the first thing about changing a tire. So at that point I grabbed my coat and my purse and took off for the walk the rest of the way into town to call back home and tell Chris what happened.
Some of the events that I recall occurring were my head being hit a lot and just lying there, I knew that there was nothing that I could do but play dead. I never saw a face, for a while I believe I must have been blindfolded. I tried to make him stop; I felt my head was just going to explode. I thought to myself, 'why me, why is this happening to me?' Just at that moment I lost control, I could start to feel my body slowly slipping away. When all of a sudden I felt every spirit was being lifted from my body, I was slowly feeling lighter and lighter. If this is what death feels like, I kind of enjoy it. But then everybody I'd ever known started drifting through my mind, all the memories , good and bad times and especially Chris, my fiancée'. When 'snap' I started to feel my body again. I slightly opened my eyes, and no one appeared in over me. I lied there for a few minutes trying to catch my breath.
The next thing I knew I was lying here in this hospital bed, of course with Chris by my side. At my supposed moment of death I knew I could survive with the love of my friends, family, and Chris. I haven't told anyone about everything, maybe when the time is right, but then again, I don't remember it all myself and I’m not sure if I'd want to. I believe “live for the tomorrow, yesterday is gone."
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