So Special

Current mood: blessed

I can't believe this is happening!

Over the last month I have had a range of emotions from sheer happiness to downright frustration… and I am sure the feelings will continue as I ride this emotional rollercoaster.

I haven't really 'felt' pregnant since I found out I was. I have come to find out that that feeling is perfectly normal at the stage I am at. However it seems disappointing. One would think that once there is a human growing inside you it would turn your life upside down. Not in my case, at least… not yet.

I have not had any real morning sickness to speak of… I guess that is the main reason I don't feel pregnant yet. But as many of you say- my time will come. I do, however, have frequent restroom stops and an undying need for naps that I never really needed before. I have some odd food aversions and cravings and some very, very strange dreams and nightmares- that for some reason- seem to happen almost nightly and for some reason I am able to remember nearly all of them; all signs that I am, really, pregnant.

I went in for an ultrasound on February 23^rd. I have to say that it blew away the last ultrasound I had. The last one was done in an E.R. setting whereas the woman doing it would not only not let me see the screen, she also would not tell me anything about what she was seeing. I was also then- alone. This time I had the company of my dear, sweet husband. Nothing compares to that.

When I walked into the ultrasound room I was anticipating the same manner of procedure. Come to find out- this technician was actually friendly. First she asked me how I was feeling. My answer was simply "not pregnant." That changed in the matter of a few minutes; just as long as it took her to put warm lubrication on my abdomen and gently start the procedure. To my amazement she actually pushed the screen over so that I could view it as well. At first all I saw was a black circle; which I knew from all my reading was a good thing- water. Then the closer I looked I saw the figure of our child! I was ecstatic! Right afterwards she said "there is the heart, its beating, this is a viable pregnancy." I didn't see it, but Doug did. She assured me that she would find it again for me to see. After a couple of minutes a bunch of bars jetted across the bottom of the screen and then sound came to join the bars. Sounds like I have never heard before- very fast and furious. I shouted- "is that its heartbeat!?" She replied- "yes, it is" and I read that the baby's heartbeat was 167 beats per minute. I asked if that was a good heartbeat and she told me that it was perfectly normal. Tears started welling up my eyes. At this very moment it made everything so real. To finally see and hear the baby was the most amazing moments of my life. The whole thing only lasted about 15 minutes. She had me go get dressed. While I was getting dressed she printed off a couple copies of images that she had captured. When I walked out of the restroom Doug had the pictures in his hand and showed them to me. I took them and said "it's a blob, I can't see anything!" Just as he was about to point everything out I took a much closer look and noticed what I thought was its head, arms, etc… I couldn't believe what I was seeing… my baby! This IS real!
After a few minutes of sitting there the technician came back in and informed us that I was 8 weeks along that very day and that the due date is October 5^th.

Once we left the room we headed out to the waiting room to wait for my next appointment; with my obstetrician. After a long wait we were called back and sat and waited some more. The doctor finally made his way in for about a five minute meeting. He went over all of my problems/conditions and quickly sent me on my way with a slew of procedures I need to complete and medicine regimes to start. I really feel that he knows what he is doing. And he assured me that this pregnancy has a great chance of being a very healthy one, with some lifestyle changes.

My face seemed frozen the rest of the day. I couldn't seem to wipe the smirk off my face if I tried. I have never been happier than I am right now. This is truly life's' greatest miracle!
I have never felt more like a woman, a woman with a purpose. I have never felt so… special.