Dreams don’t come true… at least not for me…

I just had a very vivid, very emotional dream. This dream was unlike any other that I had ever had. For the past couple years I have been unable to remember my dreams. For the last couple months, I remember more and more about what I dream. For as long as I could remember I hadn’t been able to dream about specific events in my life or the people in my life either. The dreams I had- the faces were non-existent. The names were unrecognizable. I would never dream of people I knew. Or for that matter: foresee something that was about to happen to me in real life. I just awoke from a few hour nap during late afternoon-early evening. I awoke feeling refreshed. I started right in on writing my memoirs when the most powerful emotions started to overcome my being. I sat there remembering details; they were coming to mind in bits and pieces. I soon had all the pieces to the puzzle and began to fit the pieces together.
I remembered him wiping the tears away from my eyes. I remembered him holding my shoulders, as he looked deep into my eyes- telling me everything was going to be okay. I remembered his lips as they so softly touched mine for the first time in a long time. I was so tense, so filled with raging emotions all I could do was to barely pucker. I was in shock. Trying to figure out what his intentions were and why he was doing what he was doing. Why is he taking me back? I kept asking myself. What does he want from me? What does he expect from me? What am I doing? Am I doing the right thing?
All these thoughts and questions raced through my mind for what seemed to be an eternity. I tossed and turned hoping for the thoughts to stop, but for if the dream to end, that I will awaken for the presence of him to be real in real life. I wanted so badly to grasp hold of him and pull him out with me. I wanted the insecure feelings to end. But more importantly I wanted to hold onto him for the rest of my life.
When I awoke, needless to say I was disappointed. I rolled over with the thought that I still had very vibrant in my minds eye that he was lying there next to me. I rolled over to utter loneliness. I thought for certain, for as real as the dream appeared to be, that he would be holding me close when I awoke.
I got up, and the pieces started coming. I sat at my desk and the thoughts just wouldn’t stop pouring in. They consumed my mind to the point that I couldn’t concentrate. I knew I had to do something, I just wasn’t sure yet what it was that I had to do. As the time went by I thought what do I have to lose. It’s been over a couple years since I’ve held this man. Quite a while since I’ve spoken with him and what seems to be an eternity since I’ve seen him. If it wasn’t for the brief coincidental meeting at a convenience store several months ago, I’m not sure if I would remember what he looks like. I have very fond memories of what I do remember. I remember the two moles on his tummy that look like they have been pressed together- they are identical. I remember the scars on his side from when he had a surgery several years before we even met. I remember the look in his eyes when he so truthfully and sincerely told me he loved me time and time again. I remember the pride he felt when he handed me a bouquet of flowers every now and then, sometimes for no reason at all. I remembered all the times we shared. The years spent with him were the most impressionable years of my life. As when we met I was mentally a mere child. Physically 19 years old. I hadn’t a clue. I had never been in love for one. And the love that was brought about was not only confusing for me, but for him as well. As I was his first love too. I was the first person he was intimate with. That not only intimidated me, but scared me. How was I to be the fortunate one to take away what he has held onto so dear for the past 27 years? What gave me that right? How did I get so lucky? That’s a question we always asked one another. How did I get so lucky to find you of all people, amongst all the people in this world of ours?
Now, the time has come for us to part ways. We knew that we were doing the right thing- as our relationship wasn’t meant to be. I was much too young to hold onto something that wasn’t right- for one reason, or the many others. I knew we had to do it- it was only a matter of time that we fell out of love.
We tried for several months after parting ways to mend our relationship. We tried to get back that loving feeling we once had; the one that we held onto far after the first few months that most relationships have. We were as deeply in love over a year into our relationship as we were the night we professed our love for one another.
After thinking for a bit I knew that I wanted nothing more than to get back that feeling if it still existed. I, without thinking twice, picked up the phone. One would think that my hands would be shaking as I dialed the number. One would think that my voice would be shaky as ‘she’ answered and I had no other choice but to ask for him. She so kindly said, “sure, hold on a second” as she handed the phone over to him. As he latched a hold of the phone and said “hello”- I so confidently and inquisitively said “Steve”?” there was a very brief pause as I had recalled his voice as if I heard it whispering in my ear minutes earlier in my dream. He knew my voice as well; he knew who was on the other end of the line. But I had no other thoughts in mind as I didn’t script what I was going to say if he answered the phone. I merely said- “this is Mary”. Without a moments thought on his behalf, I heard the phone signal die, just like, just like our relationship had. Now- I just wish these dreams would come to an end. For now, now I have my closure.